I remember it so well. I was sitting on our couch one night last October in Buffalo when a crazy thought rushed through my head - instead of heading home to Texas right after the season, we'd stay in Buffalo an extra six months to keep Will in school. That epiphany caused a lot of anxiety - I didn't want to stay in Buffalo. Yet I knew deep down that it was the right decision, even if I didn't like it. After I accepted the decision, an incredible sense of peace came over me. And it was done.
It happened to me again today. I was sitting on the couch with Bryn (what is it with me and couches?) when the thought popped into my head that I needed to consider taking the Texas bar exam in February instead of next July when I'd actually planned on taking it. I immediately got that anxious feeling - my heart started pounding and I couldn't sit still. At one point I almost started crying (if you've ever sat for a bar exam, you know why). After Bryn went down for a nap, I did some searching and made a few phone calls and realized I still have time to get my application in for February's test. I called my lawyer sister and some other lawyer friends who all confirmed what I already knew - I was going to sit for the bar exam in February. I'm stressed out just thinking about it. You see, studying for the bar exam is no easy feat. It was hard enough taking the California bar right after I graduated from law school. But heck, I didn't have two kids back then. And the law was still fresh on my mind. Taking the exam this time around will be a whole new ball game.
Taking the exam is pricey (between the test fees and a bar review course, we're looking at several grand - people usually take out bar loans to cover expenses). Poor Ryan will be thrust into single parenthood for two months but we'll make sure the kiddos are taken care of (little miss Bryn is going to find herself in daycare in the afternoons). And I'll be a stressed out ball of mush those two months while I study for hours on end. I'll still be shooting The Bite as well, so I'll have a ton going on. It's going to be tough, but this is the right decision and now is the best time to go through all of this.
And just like after I owned the decision back in October to stay in Buffalo, I'm owning this decision and am ready to kick some butt. Remember that peace I talked about after taking ownership? I felt it earlier, coupled with the sheer panic of sitting for the test. But I'll get 'er done!