Saturday, March 6, 2010

One day at a time...

Things have been pretty tough lately - from money woes, uncertainty about the future, and our most recent house issues, my life seems to be the epitome of the saying, "It's always something." We just can't seem to catch a break. I was thinking tonight that I should send a letter to the makers of Ambien for allowing me to get some sleep at night though. Without that little pill, the drama unfolding like a soap opera in my head everyday would keep me up way too late into the night. The reality though is that when I wake up groggy from my medically-induced slumber, my problems haven't gone away - I still need to figure out how to deal.

Adding to my emotional instability this week is the continuing plight of Layla Grace (see post below). I don't personally know this amazing little three-year-old battling neuroblastoma. This little mama in hanging on though. She's not given up yet. She's not ready to let go. Although it appears she will be gone soon. According to her parents' tweets and blog posts over the last few days, little Layla Grace sleeps all day, breaths only 8 times per minute while sleeping, and is getting weaker and weaker with every passing moment. This baby is dying. I want to know how her parents are getting through it. Surely they have an answer - they can help people like me in the midst of my own storm because of what they are experiencing. I hope that one day when they are good and ready, they can share with the rest of us their secret for dealing with life-changing tragedy and loss. I'd be the first one to sign up to hear what they have to say.

Well, here is some of what these amazing parents have said and I wanted to share:

I guess you are probably wondering how we manage to pick ourselves off the floor long enough to sit down and blog. It doesn’t exactly work like that. We cry…. a lot. We’re not made of steel, we’re not half as strong as many have made us out to be. We simply hope and believe that God has the power to change anything, even this. We cry and pray, and yell and pray, and shake our fist at God, it’s ok though… he can take it.

I’ve spent all this time praying for her to be healed. AND SHE WILL BE. It just might not be in the way I want. Within a few short days, one way or another, Layla will be healed and absolutely perfect.

These quotes are just heartbreaking, but so simple in their meaning. It all comes back to God and His ever so perfect plan in people's lives. I've heard it said frequently that Layla Grace's battle with cancer has changed more people than anyone could ever imagine. It's changed me. I hug my kids tighter and longer. I've prayed more. Cried more. I ask my babies for more kisses. I can't stop telling them I love them. I pray for them. I am relying more on God now more than I have in a long time, and it all comes back to Miss Layla Grace. If she and her family can do it, we most certainly can.

I can imagine just getting through the next minute, the next hour, the whole day is a constant challenge for that family. But they are making it, even if barely, they are making it. So to learn even a little from what they are experiencing, it's how I will tackle our currect issues - one day at a time - for we know that weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning light!

That being said, my morning today was awesome. Will had his first day of Miracle League Soccer. He wasn't too into it but hung in there. Bryn was a trip though - she was carrying both a soccer ball and my make up brush (which is now MIA). She's going to be a girl after my own heart - she's going to love sports and make up!

A few more tidbits from the day... Hotels should offer childproofed rooms. I'd pay more. I spent more time tonight keeping Bryn from knocking over lamps, opening in closing drawers, pressing buttons on the alarm clock. But boy was that little mama a trip tonight. She laid down next to me on the bed and started making a noise like she was snoring. How does she know that? She didn't get that from me - better talk to dad.


ryan and laura said...

you have a lot going on! hang in there girl! sorry about your can that happen twice!!

Amanda said...

I have been purposely avoiding reading anything to do with little Layla Grace. Just the stuff I DO know makes me tear up and start bawling. Being pregnant is not helping with that. It feels like every single day I am hearing about babies and children with life threatening illnesses and it breaks my heart into tiny little pieces. I don't see how these parents are able to deal with it. My blogger friend, Megan, is about to have her first baby in a few months (see "praying for cohen" on the right of my blog) and she just found out he has not one but FOUR heart defects that will require tons of surgeries, possibly a heart transplant etc...if he even makes it that far. Another little boy just died of cancer at our church the other day after a very courageous fight. I just don't think I can physically or emotionally handle reading all of Layla's story, as much as I want to. But I am definitely praying for this little girl and her parents. Worrying about your kids health and safety is by far the toughest thing about parenting. And it will NEVER go away...